Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
