in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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