Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
