Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
you never un-have a 4some
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
