You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
