the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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