My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
