I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
