I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
