well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
