I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
