We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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