I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
