Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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