how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
