I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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