The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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