Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
