I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
