she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
