he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
