all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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