I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
