I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
we should paint friendship bongs
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