I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
