Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Couch. On fire.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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