he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
