So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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