I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
True strength comes from lack of pants
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
