i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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