I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
