He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
