I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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