You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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