I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
