i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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