Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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