like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
The struggles of a small town man whore
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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