In the future we'll all be gay
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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