dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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