3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Rumble strips road head = magical
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
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