His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize