Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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