so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
