my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
