All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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