I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
You are the jesus of drinking
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
i out mim tonsoeep
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