call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
