So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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