I should be sponsored by Trojan
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
And the cops told us we were all naked.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
