just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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