Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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