im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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