I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Randomize
