From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize
