i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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