Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
