I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
