Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize