dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
