You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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