Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
