Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
