She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
