She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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