this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
In other news, I just burned my penis
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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