it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize