I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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