You smell like a Billy Joel song
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I think pants incapable of making pants work
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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