so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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