Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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