fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize