I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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