We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
